How Well Do You Know Your Wife?


Have you ever seen The Newlywed Game?  It’s a great show which takes newlyweds and asks them various questions about each other to see how well they know each other.  Well, our church recently had a banquet for Valentine’s Day and we played a version of this game.  Except this was made up of couples who had been married for quite a few years.  My wife and I were chosen and we had been married the least amount of time (6 years).     The other couples had been married anywhere from 10-20 years.  We did very well and ended up tied for 1st.  We lost the tie breaker because I apparently have no idea what my wife’s favorite color is (Blue).  But my four year old knew right away when asked later…go figure.

This got me thinking….how well do we really know our wives?  I think I know mine pretty well but I have some friends who probably couldn’t have answered any of the questions correctly.  Do we pay enough attention to our wives?  We paid attention when we were dating and in the “Wooing” phase.  We had to then because if we messed up…that was it.  But I think we have a tendency to slack off once we get married.  The hunt is over…we bagged our prey.  But people are not written in stone and we all evolve and change over time.  So the woman you knew when you dated is probably not the exact same woman 10 years later.

So how do we ensure that we know our wives?  Here are my thoughts:

Spend Quality Time With Her

This is a no brainer.  You have to spend time with your wife in order to truly know her.  You’re saying, “we spend time together…all the time!!!”.  Well, I don’t mean when you’re in the living room watching the game and she is in another room scrapbooking.   The time you spend MUST be quality time.  Have a regular date night.  My wife and I try to have a date night every so often.  Not nearly as often as we would like…but we do try.   Spending time together without the kids takes you back to that time when you were “wooing” her and it shows that you can make an effort for her.  Your wife wants to be wooed and if you won’t do it….someone else might…so get with it.

Talk To Her….And Listen To Her

Some of the best times I have with my wife are in bed.  No, I’m not talking about THAT.  I mean that sometimes when we have put the kids in bed and we have taken our showers, we lay in bed with the lights out and just talk.  I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes and want to take away my man card right now….tough.  It’s during these times that we both open up with each other and have some great conversations and connect with one another.  Regardless of how long you’ve been married you can still learn new things about your wife.  Remember, she’s still changing as a person just as you are.  So there will be new things to learn as you both grow.  Women are much different than us and these types of conversations make them feel emotionally connected to us and that improves every part of your relationship…including the other thing you do in bed at night.

Pay Attention To What She Does

Not every clue about your wife comes during interaction with you.  You also have to be aware when she is talking with your children, her friends, or other family members.    It’s important to try and pick up on what’s going on with other parts of her life.  If you notice that she has had a tense conversation with a friend on the phone and then seems stressed.  Maybe you can use that opportunity to see if she wants to talk or maybe you cook dinner that night so she can relax.  Being aware of your wife and what’s going on in her life shows her that you have a genuine interest in what she’s going through.

So did I get it wrong?  I’ve only been married six years so let me hear if from you guys (and gals) with 10, 15, 20, or more years in the bank.  What are your thoughts and how to really know your wife?


About Author

Ben is a follower of Christ, a rabid computer geek, small business owner, and breaker of things. He is married way above his station in life and has three wonderful children who have made driving him insane their mission in life.


  1. Great advice. My husband and I have been married for 10 years now and have 9 kids. Sometimes it’s hard to find time alone together, but it is so worth it!

  2. Holly Zegalia on

    Sending this over to my hubby. We’ve been together for 13 years now and it would be a good refresher for him.

  3. Great post and definitely food for thought. I shared it with my husband, but truthfully he knows me very well. He very thoughtful and thinks about my wants and needs as well as his own. We’ll have been married 24 years in August 🙂

  4. LOVE this post! I think you really hit the nail on the head. I’m very blessed in that my husband already does these things. It wasn’t always that way though. We BOTH have really come a long way actually. Listening and giving each other your undivided attention as often as possible is key! We will be celebrating our 10th anniversary next month and are more in love than ever. 🙂

  5. This is so very accurate. For us, some of our best times are times that we spend just driving around and talking. If we don’t talk and spend time together, then our relationship deteriorates and we have to work that much harder to get back on track and stay on track. We need that time together. (11 years married, 12 years together.)

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